Stenchblossoms Re-loaded: A Word on Naming One’s Offspring

Afternoon all.  I come to you on this lazy, rainy Saturday with a lazy, rainy re-post of one of my earliest posts.  I’ve been overhearing a lot about baby names around the shelf lately, so I thought I would re-post a tiny bit of my own brilliance, in suggesting some potential offspring monikers from great fiction-y literature.  Enjoy!

names

**  Please note no responsiblity will be taken for incessant teasing resulting from the infliction of any of these names on your offspring **

A Stench Blossom by any other name would smell as sweet….

Names are important, aren’t they? This is as true for gargoyles as it is for flesh folk. I myself am named after my great-grandfather – a mighty shelf warrior, who only ever allowed books from his shelf to be borrowed on the condition that the borrower left a token as a guarantee that the book would be returned. This token usually took the form of the first-born spawn of the borrower.

I have noticed, from overheard conversations between flesh folk, that there seems to be a trend toward unique and unusual names for newly minted flesh folk. For the greater good of fleshling kind, I wish to contribute some suggestions for names from the world of fiction. These should scratch any itch for individuality that a new flesh parent may feel. “Verily!” these names shout, “Great thinkers they may not have been, but let no one state that my name-givers were not great readers!”

For the unique and unusual male child:

Voldemort (Harry Potter Series/J.K. Rowling) – a name for parents who wish their child to be ambitious, academic, set apart from common folk and great contributors to hitherto unexplored avenues of evil .

Tumnus (The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe/C.S.Lewis) – for parents who envisage a child who has a gift for music, and a desire to help lost children…while plotting their imminent downfall.

Slartibartfast (The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy/Douglas Adams) – sure to satisfy lovers of interesting spelling everywhere, this name would be best suited to the child developing an early and keen interest in fjords.

Mistoffelees (Old Possum’s Practical Book of Cats/T.S. Eliot) – Another for the you-neek spelling brigade…and there’s hardly likely to be another kid in the same class with this one, is there?

Oedipus (Corduroy Mansions Series/Alexander McCall Smith) – it goes without saying that this is the perfect choice for the quintessential “Mummy’s boy”.

For the different and diverse female child:

Narcissa (Harry Potter Series/J.K. Rowling) – any teen girl child spending hours in front of the mirror will no doubt be accused of loving herself on at least one occasion….why not take the sting out of the barb and acknowledge this tendency at birth?

Pestilence (The Bible, The 13th Horseman/Barry Hutchison) – traditionally a male name, I’m hoping this one can make the leap across the gender gap and be taken up by trendsetting parents of girls…it has a charming ring to it, don’t you think?

Verruca (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Roald Dahl) – the perfect appellation for that child who is always underfoot.

Tofu (Scotland Street Series/Alexander McCall Smith) – another name that I hope will bridge the gender gap, it acknowledges the tendency of the majority of folk to be blandly average. On the other hand, this name could suit the child who has a gift for making up the numbers in any social situation.

Shelob (The Lord of the Rings Series/J. R. R. Tolkien) – admittedly a strong name for a young lady, possibly best suited to a tomboy. Or a lass who is fond of the number eight. Or who has an affinity with arachnids. Or prefers the hairy-legged look.

While this list should provide any prospective parents with a wealth of names to choose from, further inspiration may be drawn from the following two tomes that I have come across in my bookish wanderings:

Until next time,

Bruce

 

 

 

 

 

 

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15 thoughts on “Stenchblossoms Re-loaded: A Word on Naming One’s Offspring

  1. We should have insisted on your grandfather’s rule of “first-born spawn of the borrower” as collateral for books lent out … Still kicking ourselves for the ones that got away – here’s hoping their progeny have terrible names!

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  2. A very thoughtful and insightful post. Names are a fascinating subject. I hear some odd ones from the human “fleshlings”. And from some dog friends as well. That might make for a good discussion in the dog world. Hmmmm.

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    • I agree. I know a dog called Brian. While initially, this seems a ridiculous name for a dog, The name Brian puts me in mind of a big fat bloke sat on his armchair drinking a beer and wearing a flanno. The dog Brian is actually a blue cattle dog, which breed is given to plumpness and sloth in it’s old age, so on closer scrutiny, it was probably a good choice!

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  3. Love, it, you had me at Slartibartfast. I used to work in a kids hospital and some of the names during our handover were hilarious. The hyphenated ones were always the most chuckle and eye roll worthy. I must admit I am a little disappointed Euphegenia Doubtfire didn’t make it into the list. Yours always

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